By Tracy
My parents are at the point of divorce. I feel like my family hates one another. My mother and father abuse each other and fight all the time while they mentally abuse me while denying that they do so. I feel like they do know but they still don’t care that they are. What they do to each other and to me and my siblings are damaging our psyche.
I’m sick and tired of not being able to leave the house without feeling bad for something that isn’t my fault. I have no freedom and I’m under so much pressure. I was pressured into getting a job at 19 while I school, and now my parents complain that I have a job, and want me to quit. I only work at weekends.
My dad has been complaining about my weight, telling me to lose weight. My mum assumes the most ridiculous things ever, making me go insane because she is making these ridiculous assumptions that make me want to scream.
Six months ago, I fell in love with my ‘true love’ and we’re still going strong. I know that he is there for me whenever but I still don’t want to stress him about this because it makes him depressed. My parents don’t know what they’re doing to me. They think it’s fine to call me names, trap me in the house, and not socialise whatsoever.
They hate all my friends and say horrible things about them. They follow me around when I’m at school or when I’m at my work. I’ve had to lie to them a couple of times saying I was at work, just so I could go and be with my friends and boyfriend, which I know is wrong but there’s no other way for me to have a social life if I don’t do this.
My parents are forcing me to always be in the house at weekends looking after my youngest brother, and help clean the house. I’m afraid to ask my dad for money because I know I would get a 40 minute lecture on how much of a bad daughter I am for asking him. My parents have said things to me like “you’re not my daughter” or “you’re the worst daughter ever in history”.
I do well in school, I respect my elders and I try my best to live up to my parents’ expectations but still it’s never good enough. I can’t smile at home anymore. I’ve been tempted to run away a few times but pulled through because I know how hurt they would be.
After all I’m being put through, I still think about them. I love my parents, so much! But I just wish that I would be respected and appreciated for who I am. I’m not asking for material things, I’m simply asking for love, and freedom and happiness.
I’m sure that isn’t too hard. Everyone always tells me that I don’t deserve this whatsoever. I don’t think anyone does. I try to be honest as I can and yes, I’ve made mistakes but they don’t know how to accept that no one’s perfect, especially children who go through this.
I’m trying my best to pull through for my brothers and myself. But it’s too hard. My parents always twist my words on me and say that I said something when I really didn’t. They feel satisfied when I’m hurt.
They are always complaining about their jobs and how much they work. They call me names and make me feel like shit. They lie to me and have hit me several times. They say that their anger is because of me, and only me. They are all about the “do as I say because I said so and I don’t care what you say” and “I’m your parent so what I say goes, like it or not”.
They also go around asking people about my friends, investigating if they are good people or not and also trying to creep on their Facebook accounts.
I’ve let my parents know how I feel, but they don’t care. I don’t want to leave my house. I love them so much. I just want to be loved, respected, appreciated and happy. I need more freedom. I want to feel table at home again. I want to smile for real. I want to not be paranoid thinking my parents are following me around.
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